recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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