i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Let's get the cat blown out
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
