I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
