just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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