Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
