i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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