My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
