Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize