And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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