Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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