There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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