I accidentally burped into my bong.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
