he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it's like iHOP with fire
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
