who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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