i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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