I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
