i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
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All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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