I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
