my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
