turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
