dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
