where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
