so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It was a blind-side dick pic.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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