Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
