Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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