K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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