Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
