I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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