You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
