If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
