White coat. Heels.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
