he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
