quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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