Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
