Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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