Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize