I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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