I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
