Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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