I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
