My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
