i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
