i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
