i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
