and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
