Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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