i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
