yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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