i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
