the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
