hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
