I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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