Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
