please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
