I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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