Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
