i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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