i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
