well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
