Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
