all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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