I am spending my child support on dildos
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I could fuck to npr.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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