OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
