Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm sobbing to NWA
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
